Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The Overthinking Obsessive Perfectionist

I was recently reading a book named How To Be An Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise. It got me thinking about why I bought and read the book in the first place.

I'm an overthinking obsessive perfectionist. In order to take the best possible decision, I overthink and end up not taking a decision at all. To be more productive than everyone else, I think about the best possible task to do at any time and end up doing nothing.

Welcome to my Life.

I'm in my sixth year of college which was supposed to be completed in four years. I struggle everyday to make simple decisions. I sabotage any good time I can have by overthinking. I rarely enjoy. This is my life.

I wanted to change that. I tried. I tried hard. I went to psychiatrists. I read books on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Anxiety, Self-Help, any and everything I thought would help me be more happy.

I was wrong. I didn't read those books so that I could be happy. No, I read those books because the problem I had was making me read those books. Here we are. My therapist almost always hinted at the fact that I had a poor self-image. I didn't quite understand it at the time. I do understand it now.

My poor self-image made me read those books so that I could fill the hole I had inside me. My poor self-image turned me into an obsessive who wants to take best decision possible. My poor self-image turned me into a perfectionist who wanted everything perfect because I was not contented.

Looking back, I see the problem. I don't know how to fix it though. Again, being clueless is part of life. So, enjoy. 

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Vasan - II

I went to get my eyes tested again. I had to visit the hospital twice. First day, I saw this girl roaming around the hospital without any badge or uniform. I wondered what she was doing there. When I went the second day, she was roaming again. Then, I saw her going into the "Centre Head" chamber. I thought she may have been an assistant or something. But she sat there and started to do some work.

I started to give curious glances from the beginning. But, once she went into the chamber, I kept a steady watch. When I was finished with my appointment, I was just too curious. So, I entered the chamber and asked "Excuse me for asking this, but aren't you a little young to be a centre head?" I thought she'd say that's none of my business, but people at Vasan are very nice to people. She told me to come in and sit. She told me that she completed her B.Sc and MHA without any gaps. That's why she seemed young at her job. She was from Bihar. She answered some of the queries I had. She let me fill out a feedback form in the chamber and guided me to the place where I could post it.

She was nice. For an introvert and shy person like me, it was a very big step talking to a girl I didn't know, who worked in administration. I hope I open up more to this world and enjoy it better.

P. S. She was cute too.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Depression

One of my friends complained that I write articles that carry negative connotation. Yes, I do. There's a reason. Whenever I feel sad, I need an outlet. I chose my blog because I knew I could never get people to read it. So, it would stay private. I don't want anyone to read this. But one day, when I die because of one of these reasons, I want people to know that I wasn't a happy man.

This happened today. I went to play Cricket. I didn't know playing cricket could hurt my emotions.

One match, I argued with the captain that I wanted to stand in the front for fielding replacing the person who had been keeping and had bowled two overs. Pissed off by this, he left captaincy for the next match. I got the message. I played silently. I didn't even ask to bowl. Since I had not bowled, I thought they would ask me to bat first. They didn't. I left.

I know how it feels to be invisible. I have been around people who behave like I don't exist. It has hurt me. I've been depressed. I've been neglected. Just because I raised my voice once today, I'd become an outcast. I went home. I cried. Listened to my "SAD" playlist. Wrote this. One of the worst things about life is that you don't remember your emotions. Time makes them disappear.

Here I am, a social outcaste. A person suffering from anxiety and depression. Dropped an year of college. Struggling to live. Everyday is a battle.

And clearly, I'm a loser.


Thursday, July 4, 2013

Vasan - An Experience

I recently went to Vasan Eye Care with my friend to get his eyes tested. I've been to Vasan before. I love the experience. People are friendly. Admission and consultation are quick. They really know how to provide customers with the money's worth.

Now coming to the point, in reference to the article I've written recently, Vasan provides a service that is enviable. For a venture of our country, it has high standards. I'm happy to see that a Desi venture now stands against the best and expensive conglomerates like Columbia Asia and Apollo.

One of the best experiences I've had in years and I'm grateful.

Friday, June 28, 2013

Balupu - Review

I've been a fan of Ravi Teja since I watched 'Vikramarkudu'. So, when my friend asked if I want to watch another Ravi Teja movie, I jumped and said yes. And trust me, I'm very happy. 

As always Ravi Teja faithfully does his acting which is gracious to watch. Shruti Hasan and Anjali are adequate. The star of the movie is surely Bramhanandam, who stands out in every scene and makes you laugh continuously. References to Pawan Kalyan and his movie 'Gabbar Singh' are appreciable. Ashutosh Rana does a very good job.

The story moves at a steady pace. The story has been intricately connected such that none of it seems like unbelievable coincidence, which most of the recent movies contain. Witty dialogues increase the humour through out the movie. Some of the action scenes though seem exaggerated but add to the entertainment XP of the movie.

Finally, let's not forget 'Gangnam Style' and the IPL anthem in the climax.

Ravi Teja deserves a lot of credit for this movie. It deserves to be a super hit.

Friday, June 21, 2013

Desi Vs. MNC - Part I

I noticed a post on Facebook recently that said that we should use only Indian Company produced goods because if we buy from MNCs, the profits go abroad. Because of this reason, Rupee has been taking toll against the dollar. They say Indian economy has weakened.

While some of this may be true, does it really matter to us. Of course, I love my country. I want my country to be successful. But does the issue really affect the people?

Let's see, I'm a consumer buying goods from an MNC. Why would I want to switch to a desi company if the products are expensive? 

There are many reasons the MNCs are successful.
1. They have aggressive marketing strategies.
2. They spend billions on advertising.
3. They are ready to accept lesser profit margins.
4. They have cash reserves which will serve them if they undergo a loss.

Due to these reasons, an MNC is able to provide me with goods and service far less expensive than any desi company. Our country has been strongly opposing Foreign Direct Investment in the Retail Sector. Why? Because of lobbying of our desi companies who want higher profits or because the MNCs are able to provide same goods and services for lesser prices. 

Being a business minded person, I know that if I want to survive in the market, I need to be competitive. I should be able to offer goods and services at lesser prices with better quality. 

As a consumer, I don't want to look at my seller. I don't care if he's a desi company or an MNC. What matters to me is the price and the quality of service. As long as they are good, I'm not worrying about the Rupee value against dollar.

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Emotions


I haven’t written for a few months now. I wanted to. But I couldn’t. Well, problems always exist. Steve Jobs said it right, “You can only connect the dots looking backward.”

Everyday, you learn something new. Today, I’ll talk about emotions. Associating emotions with specific tasks makes them harder to do. To understand this, I had to suffer a lot. Now that I know this, the next part is to detach those emotions and try to concentrate on the work in that moment.

Some call it mindfulness, concentration, focussed....... But you need to attain that state in which you can do one task and put all your energy and mental focus on it. This is not an easy task. 

I remember when I was a kid, people used to say you need to have concentration in life to achieve success. I didn’t understand it then, I do now.

Many people don’t still realize that this might be problem. The amount I’ve written is not sufficient enough to understand and solve it. But do think over and if you think you are suffering, please seek help. Wish you a happy life.