Friday, July 5, 2013

Depression

One of my friends complained that I write articles that carry negative connotation. Yes, I do. There's a reason. Whenever I feel sad, I need an outlet. I chose my blog because I knew I could never get people to read it. So, it would stay private. I don't want anyone to read this. But one day, when I die because of one of these reasons, I want people to know that I wasn't a happy man.

This happened today. I went to play Cricket. I didn't know playing cricket could hurt my emotions.

One match, I argued with the captain that I wanted to stand in the front for fielding replacing the person who had been keeping and had bowled two overs. Pissed off by this, he left captaincy for the next match. I got the message. I played silently. I didn't even ask to bowl. Since I had not bowled, I thought they would ask me to bat first. They didn't. I left.

I know how it feels to be invisible. I have been around people who behave like I don't exist. It has hurt me. I've been depressed. I've been neglected. Just because I raised my voice once today, I'd become an outcast. I went home. I cried. Listened to my "SAD" playlist. Wrote this. One of the worst things about life is that you don't remember your emotions. Time makes them disappear.

Here I am, a social outcaste. A person suffering from anxiety and depression. Dropped an year of college. Struggling to live. Everyday is a battle.

And clearly, I'm a loser.


2 comments:

  1. Hey Sanjay,
    We all go through such phases, so I guess it's ok.

    Maybe, it's not what you say but 'how' you say that is causing other people to misunderstand your intentions. And I have seen so many such cases in school and college.

    Some people just know how to say correct things in social settings, and some don't. Well, I say -'eh!'. Big deal. Life is too serious a thing to be taken too 'seriously'. We need to live a little, laugh a little, and go a little crazy.

    Who will do all this for us but ourselves? We should learn to like ourselves before expecting others to like us. I know, It's easier said than done. There is always someone better out there. But again, 'eh!'. Does it even matter in the end?

    Be a little easy on yourself, and forgiving to others. If you don't love yourself, chances are no one else will. Enthusiasm is infectious. Spread it.

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