Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The Overthinking Obsessive Perfectionist

I was recently reading a book named How To Be An Imperfectionist by Stephen Guise. It got me thinking about why I bought and read the book in the first place.

I'm an overthinking obsessive perfectionist. In order to take the best possible decision, I overthink and end up not taking a decision at all. To be more productive than everyone else, I think about the best possible task to do at any time and end up doing nothing.

Welcome to my Life.

I'm in my sixth year of college which was supposed to be completed in four years. I struggle everyday to make simple decisions. I sabotage any good time I can have by overthinking. I rarely enjoy. This is my life.

I wanted to change that. I tried. I tried hard. I went to psychiatrists. I read books on Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Anxiety, Self-Help, any and everything I thought would help me be more happy.

I was wrong. I didn't read those books so that I could be happy. No, I read those books because the problem I had was making me read those books. Here we are. My therapist almost always hinted at the fact that I had a poor self-image. I didn't quite understand it at the time. I do understand it now.

My poor self-image made me read those books so that I could fill the hole I had inside me. My poor self-image turned me into an obsessive who wants to take best decision possible. My poor self-image turned me into a perfectionist who wanted everything perfect because I was not contented.

Looking back, I see the problem. I don't know how to fix it though. Again, being clueless is part of life. So, enjoy. 

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